Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
