I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
