Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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