Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
that is very illegal...i love you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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