Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
