my mouth tastes like poor choices
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
