I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
