No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize