If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Two words: nipple clamps
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