I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
