I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
