i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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