you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
