When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize