i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
