What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
