i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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