i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
