If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
