The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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