can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
