I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
