I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
