Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize