I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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