Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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