dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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