She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize