So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
