my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
