There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
