I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
