Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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