Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
