Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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