You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
