I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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