So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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