oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
