she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
