That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
