i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
