the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
