is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I showed him my bush... on skype.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
