Moan for me like Helen Keller
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize