so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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