I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
