omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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