I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
