You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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