The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
