okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
