I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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