Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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