Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
