with your own penis?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
