She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
