There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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