So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
