Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize