Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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