Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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