Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
