he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
